Saturday, July 25, 2015

I'm back

Okay it has been a long long long time.

Been busy trying to sort out my life. LOL. From going to the gym every day, getting off track with food, trying to find a job, getting back on track by doing a challenge. Blah blah blah. You get the point. Life got in the way of this blog and I felt like I had nothing to contribute - hence why no posts since the end of 2013. Nearly two years. Wow that is a long time.

Where do I start. Okay well - after the last challenge I participated in the Fitter, Faster, Stronger challenge at Goodlife Fountain Gate. Unfortunately in that time I injured my arm. Partial tear of the Supraspinatus and bicep tendon - as well as Tendonosis of the Bicep (great a degenerative condition - won't get better). Must have been all those pull ups, chest presses, cleans and presses over and over and over again. Very repetitive. Very tiring. No rest and my body just failed on me. By all means it did not make me fail but certainly didn't help with my eating and training.

I decided to do my PT course in 2014 so in that time (injury and all - which was about April/May) I finished my Certificate III and Certificate IV in Personal Training. Yup - I am a qualified personal trainer. Believe me I want to train people in the gym but alas PT's are a dime a dozen so I forgo my PT 'Career' and looked for a normal job in the meantime (after I finished). During this time frame - regardless of the fact that I am somewhat of a role model my weight crept back on. I got back up to nearly 76kgs by Feburary this year (2015). Yikes. Not happy with myself - and yet again I had the feelings of disgust when I looked in the mirror. Not a good feeling and certainly was not proud of myself for letting myself go again.

One of the girls I trained with at the gym suggested that I participate in the Maxines Shape Up Challenge. My thinking was - why not. All I had to do to be eligible for the prizes (if I got there) was to use their product for the period of the challenge. Weren't allowed to use competitors products. Not a problem. So my journey began. See first picture below.

I went from that nearly 76kg woman on the Left to the slimmer woman at 65.6kgs on the right. Woo hoo. My whole goal through the whole challenge was to get Top 50 and hopefully Top 10. I wanted to become a Maxines Ambassador (which is one of the prizes if you are Top 10). Gutted to say the least. I didn't make it there. I didn't even make Top 50. I don't know why. I think I did an amazing job. Blogged every day. Opened an Instagram account. Promoted their products like you would not believe. Nope not enough. I don't know where I went wrong. 

It put so much doubt in my mind. I was very upset. I went home the day I found out I didn't make Top 50 and just cried. I was an emotional mess. I was heartbreaking. I thought I did an amazing job. Is it because I am too muscly. Is it because I don't look like a 'model' to promote their products. I just don't know and I guess I never will. A panel of judges from Amino Active (the company that owns Maxines) are the ones that decided who made Top 50 and then Top 10 out of those 50 and then of course the ultimate winner. 

Don't get me wrong the challenge was awesome and will be doing it again in August when they run it again. I was just disheartened and gutted that my hard work was not recognized I guess. It really put doubt in my mind about how I feel about myself. Am I not good enough. Ahh the depression creeping back in. My sense of self worth lost. I have lost my goal path and don't know what my next step was/is. 

I met some amazing people along my journey on the Challenge and hoping that I can continue to keep those friendships. The gorgeous Danni - Top 10 Finalist. I was rooting for her to win but alas it was not to be for her. I imagine like me she was a little disheartened to get that far and not win but she did an amazing job and she should be proud. 

For me - on this next challenge - I will try harder. Have no cheat meals. Train harder and get to Top 50. I have some goals in the back of my mind already but won't disclose them just yet. I will be blogging on here as well as on the Maxines website as I feel I need all people to view my blogs not just the Maxines partipants. We all have our fitness journey and mine will probably continue. If I don't have a positive frame of mind and a competition and end game I lose focus. I lose those goals that I set out for myself. I will prevail this next challenge. I am determined. 

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